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Stop People Pleasing!

Stop People Pleasing

Stop People Pleasing!

Anyone ever feel like this cat looks? I call this look frazzled. Which is defined as, “showing the effects of exhaustion or strain.” Let’s start right there.

What can lead to exhaustion? Two words: people pleasing! Because at the end of the day, putting others’ needs, wants, and tasks before our own, takes a toll on us and going too far to please others can lead to emotional depletion, fear, and overall anxiety. Yuck!

Here are some signs:

  1. Finding difficulty in saying no.
  2. Worrying about what others think.
  3. Experiencing feelings of guilt when you do say no.
  4. Fear of being seen as mean or selfish.
  5. Agreeing to things you dislike.
  6. Long for the approval of others.
  7. Low self-esteem.
  8. Neglecting your own needs and dimming your light, so not to outshine others.

It is very important to remember that being compassionate and kind to others should not ever come at the expense of neglecting YOUR own self-care, dreams, and/or desires.

Recognizing Feelings: Exhaustion and Frazzledness

Now, here we are at the intersection of recognizing some feelings. Interesting! In this particular example, those feelings are exhaustion and a sense of being frazzled. Now the work on our part is to reflect upon “what” is creating this experience. What is the data? Who is involved? And what is our responsibility in the conflict. Or as the video describes, friction.

There is a lot of discussion around the Narcissist. And boy, oh boy, is the People Pleaser and the Narcissist a curious and challenging relationship. In fact, in an article by Psychology Today, it states that, “Both of these types of people are trying to find a person who will fill a significant role in their life. The narcissist is only looking for someone to make him look better or provide a feeling of superiority. The people pleaser is looking for someone to save and someone to make them feel deeply needed.”

If you are recognizing any of these behaviors in yourself or in your relationships, it is imperative to begin advocating for your own well-being.

Embrace Authenticity and Self-Love

If you do find yourself in need of assistance managing a narcissist, healthy boundaries are the first step. Make it clear what you will and will not tolerate. And if you find your boundary being pushed or rejected, which can be extremely uncomfortable for the people pleaser, take a big deep breath, and once again, choose your own well-being. Never, ever defend yourself, justify your boundary, or cower. Get the support you need.

Finally, embrace your authenticity and love yourself. As Louise Hay said time and time again, “Try approving yourself, criticism never works.” Make it your Life mission to live in the sunshine, sparkle, inspire yourself, and trust that your light can and does inspire others. Therefore, shine even brighter!

Sandra J. Filer, MBA, is an insightful coach and high-energy believer in the human capacity to achieve whatever the mind can conceive. She specializes in working with ambitious women seeking fulfillment in their Life and work. Her approach is heartfelt, effective and immediately applicable. Also known as The Happy Goddess®, her ultimate goal is to guide her clients far away from that inner critic and deeply into self-love and appreciation.

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